If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
