i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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