When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
