there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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