Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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