Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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