gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
