Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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