somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
