Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
