I am spending my child support on dildos
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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