a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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