That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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