I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
