"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need a burrito and a hug.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
