I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We have started to decorate penises.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
