No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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