I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
