So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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