there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
