if you like me you must not know who I am
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
