Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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