I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
