God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
