Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
