Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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