Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
