I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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