yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
