and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
