I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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