Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
