Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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