this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
