Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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