My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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