does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Success! We fucked roommates!
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