Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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