Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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