She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
