Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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