Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The air taste purple.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
