I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
