Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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