I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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