apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
