So drunk its hurt
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
