that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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