I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
