Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
