I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
