careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
