My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think people are normalizing furries
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
