two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
