I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
