Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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