There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
