Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
